This is hard for me.
I have lived a pretty intense life. I was a "looser" kid that nobody wanted to be seen with. In high school I discovered alcohol and drugs. At 17 i fell in love with another girl. I told my parents and ran away. Lived on the streets for several years after that. Did insane amount of drugs. Fell in love, to my suprise, with a man. We hitch-hicked across Canada 4 times. Got pregnant our last trip. Son was born in 2002. Now we also have a daughter, she is 1 1/2. Pregnant with third. We have worked hard at straightning out our lives. I am proud of what we have accomplished.
When i was a little girl, i was molested by my older brother. It was a daily occurence and at the time I knew nothing different so for years I thought it was normal and OK. The earlyest memory Ih have is when I was five. My brother was nine. Because of his young age I have NEVER been mad at him for it. He also didn't know better. But when he got arrested (he was 16) his life was turned upside down. My family disowned him. He lives on the other side of the country. I haven't heard from him in years.
I strongly feel that what happened tp him is far worst then what I lived as a child.
However, now that i have a son and daughter of my own, things are changing.
I fear that the situation will repeat itself in my children. I'm realizing now that it did affect me on a psychological level far greater then I thought possible. My mind is racing and I feel like I am loosing control. I constantly fear for my children.
I know I need help but it takes time to find the right person to trust.
In Sweden we have the system with contact families. That meens that one family is there to help a lonely mother and her children. The purpose is to help the mother and the children but also let the children see another way of life. It is a kind of part-time foster home, where the contact family has the children every second weekend. Ask church or social services to find the right family for you. My family and I have been working as a contakt family for 15 years and it has brought a lot of happiness to us.
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Today's date: Mon, 28 Nov 2022 07:03:24 +0100