marriage

I have been married for 10 years and have two small children. I met my husband when I was 21. For many years I have not felt physically attracted to my husband (we have sex six or seven times a year), but believing myself to be married for life, I tried to get on with my life as happily as I could, including having the children. Since they have been born my relationship with my husband has deteriorated in other ways. We do not argue at all (just grumble), and communication about difficult issues has always been a bit of a problem. I told my husband a little of how I feel a couple of months ago. He was very shocked and saddenend, but the subject has not been raised agian. Now I am considering that it might be better for us to separate. I am not sure if it would be better for my husband and children, as if I can keep it going, they will all feel more secure and probably happier, but I am feeling increasingly trapped and desparate with the thought that I will be spending the rest of my life with someone I no longer love - it seems like I am now making a big sacrifice and I'm not sure that it is good for them to have a wife/mother who does this either. I am torn between my duty to my children and husband and my own wishes. At what stage is it better for children for their parents to separate?

Children usually prefer living with their parents rather than every second week with their mothe'rs new boyfriend or their father's new girlfriend. But no one can force you to stay in a marriage that makes you unhappy. One solution that some of my patients have achieved after divorce is that the children stay in the home and mother and father move in and out every second week. Then the children do not have to move every week and are not forced to live with their parent's new partners, if they do not want to.