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KOM2002 (sad)  Jealousy/Feeling left out

Thread Messages in thread:

reply Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out , ****** , 03 Aug 2005 19:55
reply Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out , ****** , 02 Aug 2005 20:40
reply Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out , ****** , 12 Jul 2005 00:55
reply Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 04 Jul 2005 23:54
sad Jealousy/Feeling left out , ****** , 04 Jul 2005 22:49
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Jealousy/Feeling left out
From: ******
Date: Mon, 4 Jul 2005 22:49:25 +0200
Language: English

 


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sad
Hello,
I have had this type of problem for maybe a year now. I don't know why, but I get very jealous when my boyfriend tells me he has plans to go out with his group of friends. He always sees them every Saturday night, and Fridays as well. My group of friends and I rarely ever get a chance to hang out, and it bothers me so much because it seems as though I am the only one who cares that we do not see each other. Whenever my boyfriend mentions he will go to a party or something of the sort with his friends, I feel anxiety and I start getting nervous. I start comparing in my mind the amount of times my friends and I hang out to the amount of times he and his friends do. I hate feeling this way, and whenever my friends and I actually do get a chance to hang out, I feel it necessary to tell my boyfriend about it so that he can feel the jealousy I do. I also am jealous that he has a larger group of friends to be with than I do. I also feel left out alot between my best friend Freddy and Welton. Freddy considers both Welton and I his best friends, but he spends alot more time with Welton than he does with me. Welton and I are also very close friends, but I do not think he considers me a best friend. I do not know if I dont have this connection with Freddy as well as he and Welton does for the simple fact that I am a girl and they are guys. They talk to each other on the phone all the time, and they also hang out together without me. It really bothers me when I hear about it and I end up thinking that I'm a boring person, and that's why they dont hang out with me as much. I am also always the person who has to plan for my group of friends to get together, and I truly feel that if it weren't for me to constantly try to see them, we would not be in contact anymore. How can I stop feeling this way, and more importantly, what is making me feel like this? Does this happen to a lot of other people?
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Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out (Reply to: 48344 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Mon, 4 Jul 2005 23:54:40 +0200
Language: English

 


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If you want something, work for it. You cannot prevent your boyfriend from having fun with his friends, but you can find your own group of friends to hang out with.



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Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out (Reply to: 48344 from ****** )
From: ******
Date: Tue, 12 Jul 2005 00:55:39 +0200
Language: English

 


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It happens to me all the time especially now that I am pregnant. When I do feel jealous I just find something to do to busy myself. This may not work for you, but I talked about it with my husband and we decided to make "just us" nights, nights when I am included, and he makes plans on nights I am busy with my own plans. Not all couples can commuicate, but I found it can work well if you try.
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Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out (Reply to: 48344 from ****** )
From: ******
Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 20:40:51 +0200
Language: English

 


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I have an extremely hard time with jealousy as well. I can totally relate to what you are feeling. I work hard to control my jealousy because I don't want to lose my boyfriend (or friends). I find reading articules or books on the subject help, but it takes alot of willpower and dedication to be free from jealousy. Mostly you first have to figure out why you feel jealous. It sounds to me that you feel excluded from things you feel you should be or want to be a part of. That is understandable but not completely realistic. You insinuate that because they didn't call you they must not like you as much and that you are boring. That is not them saying that it is you. To overcome jealousy is to look deep inside yourself and face your fears and insecurities. Look up some articules or books and read them, they will save you alot of heartache that you don't need to go through.
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Re: Jealousy/Feeling left out (Reply to: 49829 from ****** )
From: ******
Date: Wed, 3 Aug 2005 19:55:03 +0200
Language: English

 


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Thank you so much. I appreciate your advice, and I think you're very right. Finding out what the initial problem is is really important to overcome jealousy. Its a very annoying and fatiguing problem. I do sometimes feel like they purposely leave me out because I'm not a fun person, or something else about me. I don't feel good until I find out what the real reason is. Right now, my boyfriend and I broke up, and its so weird that the top reason why I'm okay with the separation is because I won't have to feel jealous anymore about him and his friends going out to parties on the weekend. I think a big part of me feeling like that is because one of the people he always goes out with is my cousin. My cousin and I were very close, until my boyfriend and his other friends began hanging out together. Now, he's more distant and whenever my boyfriend and I had problems and fights, my cousin would only hear his side of the story and automatically think bad things of me. All of this put together pretty much forms a nice pile of jealousy in my mind. Do you still have the same problem? Thanks again for replying and helping out! I'm glad to give my own advice with your issues too.

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