an affair

I am 48 a woman,and married.. i met a man.. who is.. 35 and married.. we have been having an affair for 5 years.. he says he loves me.. and i know i love him.. but i can not imagine my life without my husband..i love him too.. but no in a sexual way.. my lover is a wonderful man.. he is loving.. when we are together we.. laugh.. and make love and are happy when together.. and he is not interested in making love with his wife.. when we go home.. we are not happy.. we feel guilt.. and we dont like that feeling...but we dont know what to do...we feel obiligation... to our spouses.. and we feel shame.. but we love how we make each other feel.. please help us.!!!

Hello-
I am going to be a counselor and this is what I feel. You say that you are not sexually attracted to your husband anymore. Let me tell you the feelings that you are having towards your lover is only feelings. You guys have not had to experience life together. Does your lover pay your bills or does your husband? It is all fun and games when you can make love and feel wanted then go home and not truly deal with the person until the next occassion but sometimes when reality hits it is not truly love it is more lust then anything. You also want someone to care and to make you feel specail. If you are that unhappy in your marriages then have you tried to work it out with your marriages? Or is there even a chance for either marriage to work? You say you love your husband so there is still some kind of attraction towards him wether or not is sexually. I feel like if you have done everything in your power to save your marriages then you need to take responsiblity and talk to your husband/wife about these feelings. I am not an advocate on divorce because divorce is said to be an easy way out. In reality for the rest of your life that person is still there. I think since there has been an affair then it is very hard to work through a marriage. Affairs are something that is unforgivable in most peoples eyes. Your lover and you have to remember the grass ain't always greener on the other side and I think this should be thought thru throughly. I am just learning some of the things with couseling but I think you all need some counseling.

Hey there. I too am going through the same thing. I have only been married for just under 3 yrs and only together with him for four therefore the being with out him for the rest of my life I can see. WE do have two children so I know he will be in my life however. I met a man I knew from my gym a yr and a half ago after not seeing him in the past 4 yrs and did we ever hit it off. We love one another with all that we have. I too do not find my husband attractive but loves me so much (so he says) although I do not know why because I don't have sex with him nor do I do anything with him or all of us as a family. I know I need to get out and fast for my lover, myself and my two beautiful children however it is hard. I do not feel guilty to my husband only to my children. I do not agree with the last person with a couple of the comments. Divorce isn't an easy way out and anyone who has been through that knows it is so not easy. I grew up with my parents never liking let alone loving each other and remember far back as 5 saying to my older sister I don't want mom and dad to be married any more. I won't let my kids think marriage is supposed to be two people who don't share ther life. Routine is hard to break but I'm sorry to say it that's why you both are staying. It'll take some getting used to but you and everyone else knows it must be done. You are only on this earth once make the best of it. I don't my daughter thinking it's o.k not to do family fun things without fighting with her partner or thinking being unhappy and setteling is o.k. All the best with everything and remember it's all routine. Good luck!!