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KOM2002 (plain)  Touchy Subject

Thread Messages in thread:

reply Re: Touchy Subject , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 06 Feb 2005 10:46
reply Re: Touchy Subject , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 05 Feb 2005 05:59
plain Touchy Subject , ****** , 05 Feb 2005 05:19
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Touchy Subject
From: ******
Date: Sat, 5 Feb 2005 05:19:44 +0100
Language: English


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I was told to investigate further, some things I confided in my family which I found disturbing but have not yet found what I am looking for, maybe you can help me?
I think my boyfriends daughter has a problem, and normally I would have expected this long before but as time goes on I find it harder and harder to cope, to the point where I want to move out? I'll give you the particulars and hopefully you can shed some light where there is only confusion. thank you for your time :)

Living with partner, going on 17 years
second relationships for both of us
each of us bring 3 children from prior relationships which made us 8 at the time.
my 3 children - two have moved out over the past 5 years.
all 3 of his are still living with us, his oldest being 22 and youngest being 15
My oldest is 23 and my youngest is 18 (both daughters 23 & 18 and both living apart from me at this time)

About 3 years ago, I started noticing changes in his eldest daughter (age 22) trying to control everything and everyone in the house hold, and having a daughter myself I kind of let allot of her action slide, because I was thinking it had to do with puberty and letting her grow, well now that I look back on this, it's like maybe most of it was planned out? because as I said my two daughters asked to move out and go live with my older brother, and aside from being away from me the majority of the time they are content when where they are at? But...it was his daughter who may have contributed to their decision to move to begin with, and now my son will be moving closer to the college he's attending and I'm finding it hard to be here on my own with no one having my back so to speak?
The problems to date and that have been going on for the past 3-4 years have been pretty intense, and hard for me to understand, and I was told if I can not go and talk to a therapist that I needed to at least ask someone to my own piece of mind.
I raised my 3 kids to hold respect for all, to never judge others because no one is perfect and so that is my kids, his......well......1 out of three show me respect and he's the one I have raised from age 2, but I've managed to handle the worst, and raising 3 kids was tough and I found myself raising 5 sometimes 6.....but his daughter was the typical step daughter, when asked to do something she always came at me with "your not my mom!" and occasionally "oh shut up" .....but went from disrespectful to acceptable, back to disrespectful.....and I don't get it, in November I will have been with the my partner for 17 years, and these past few years have been so hard on me!
especially lately, she bosses everyone around, yes even me, she thinks she's 22 going on 50 or something, not only that, she degrades her brothers on a whole other level, she's all up in her dad's business, to the extent that I never ever did, wanting to know how much money is in his checking, what bills he's intending to pay, she gets financial aid for school, lives at home and does NOT pay for nothing, buys NO food but everything is accounted for by her???, orders her dad to pay her cell phone, internet, is secretive about what she gets financially from school and on campus job.....
Even my daughters who cannot stand her, and refuse to even talk to her, they still speak in a respectful manner when it comes to my partner, so that makes everything even that much harder!
But lately I've found her actions hard to take, But lately we found out that she allot of times stands at our door and just listens to what we are doing???? come on, were old and most times tired, and hardly any thing goes on in there lately but we do enjoy talking about things, so yeah she has been up in our business, and not only that but because my son's room is straight down from ours, he told me she's there listening allot and what she's trying to hear......I don't know.....and when her dad asked why she's doing that.....she say's my son is lying? my son is a model son, in my eyes, not perfect but always willing to help me when ever I need him to, yeah even house work, where she will not even lift a finger! she can point things out but will never help me do any thing! but not only this but we know she's there, and allot of times she will straight up barge in, NEVER a knock, turn the light on......stare at us and proceed to speak in a mean tone of voice to her dad?.....yeah hands on her hips and mean mugging me the whole time???......this is not the half of any of this......when ever we are sitting at the table just talking or reading the paper....she has came storming in and stands directly in front of me, does not matter if I just asked him something.....or if he's telling me something she butts in and talking about something stupid? ......if I go out with him any where, she's calling constantly asking where we are.....when we plan on making it home.....and don't matter if we just left....she calls and calls? so I don't like going out any where with him any more :( just because......he's suppose to be at her beckon call 24/7.....and when he's not....she acts 5 and crying always gets her.....her way......they have 3 cars, and he's asked her a number of times to get her license, but she will not? she uses a car accident that happened 8 years ago traumatizing? they spun and she bumped her head????......I've been in much worse and I drive :s come on now!
I just feel as if she's jealous of me? or something? but through all of this.....I've not treated her in bad manner? but I'm tired.....but mainly of the surprise awakening, the latest she's done it was like 1am......*sigh* .......people have made comments that when seeing them around.....she acts more like his wife than his daughter......and I really don't get this.....and why so late in the game? I don't know......if I can honestly stay here solo when my son moves.....but I love my partner, he's my best and closest friend and we have been though so much over the years. I just don't know what to do......so I am writing to ask your advice......i've read alot of your boards.....it's intersting and I hope you find the time to reply me......with some advice :) thank you for your time, I'll close right here......bye for now, have a most wonderful day :)
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Re: Touchy Subject (Reply to: 40601 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Sat, 5 Feb 2005 10:21:11 +0100
Language: English


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Isn't your stephdaughter big enough to leave home soon?

One of my patients had this problem some years ago. She thought of getting a divorce, although she loved her husband. The stepdaugther was awful to her but too young to leave home. On my advise the stephmother did not divorce her husband. She moved to a flat, where she could meet him. This was a good solution for them, as they had a wonderful time, when they met.

A few years later the stepdaughter met a man and the wife moved back to the house. This time the girl was happy that her father had somebody.

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Re: Touchy Subject (Reply to: 40602 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Sun, 6 Feb 2005 10:46:00 +0100
Language: English


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The problem is that you and your stephdaughter share a common houshold. Both of you need a separate home of your own. You two shouldn't have contact with each other, but your husband could see you both but not at the same time.

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KOM 2002