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  Confused and torn


KOM2002 (question)  Confused and torn

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reply Re: Confused and torn , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 16 Dec 2004 21:59
question Confused and torn , ****** , 16 Dec 2004 18:04
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Confused and torn
From: ******
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 18:04:39 +0100
Language: English


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I have been with my partner for 10 years and he is a wonderful man - I love him and I am happy and secure in the relationship. It's important to me that I don't endager our relationship in any way.

My problem is that I am also developing feelings for another man. I have known this man (let's call him X) for a few years and he is a friend of both my partner and myself. Until a few months ago, X was part of another couple that my partner and I used to spend a lot of time with. When X and his girlfriend broke up he was devestated, and he has spent a lot of time talking to both my partner and me. X and I have grown closer over the last few months and my feelings for him have grown also.

I always found him attractive but now this has moved beyond shallow sexual attraction into deeper territory. We are very alike in some ways, and there is an empathy between us that is sometimes disconcerting. I care deeply about him but in a way that is not strictly platonic. I would be heartbroken if he began a relationship with someone else (except his ex-girlfriend - for some reason I'd be happy if they got back together). When I spend time with him I literally dream and fantasise about him for days. I try so hard not to let even a hint of anything non-platonic show on the outside. Occasionally he looks at me in a way that makes me wonder how he really feels about me, but he's so intensely vulnerable after his breakup that it could be no more than that. There have certainly never been any openly sexual moments between us. However, my feelings for X exist alonside those for my partner without challenge so I don't want to act on my desire for X (whatever my fantasies).

Please tell me what you think - am I playing with fire maintaining a friendship with X or if I keep a lid on things will my feelings eventually subside? X and my partner are also friends so it isn't possible to break contact with him, but I could distance myself from X if I absolutely had to. I am horrified by how easily I can feel so much for two men but I refuse to cross the line of saying that I'm in love with X as well as my partner. Please help. It's breaking my heart.

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Re: Confused and torn (Reply to: 38291 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2004 21:59:28 +0100
Language: English


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The classic triangle. Whatever you do, something might get wrong. X will sooner or later find another woman, if you don't take care of him. Your partner may leave you, if you start an affair with X. Living with two men, can be very complicated. If you go behind the back of your partner, he might be very upset, if he finds out.

You are the only one that can decide what to do, as you are the one that has to take the consequenses of your choices. What would you prefere would be your partners choice, if he had your problem?

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KOM 2002