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FROTTEURISM
FROTTEURISM
From:
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Date: Wed, 20 Oct 2004 07:39:47 +0200
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My question is about behavior done by someone I work with toward me, that I would like counseling and advice on. There is a man that I work with whom is married, in his late 20s, that occassionally bumps his elbow or arm into my breasts. I would not think anything of it, except it has happened over a dozen times in the past few months, and the man seems to blantantly check out my breasts, with little discretion, whether I'm watching him or not. He knows I am married, I work with my husband! I have made no sexual advances toward him, though at first I chose to think of this occassional contact as harmless, and a compliment. Now I feel differently, like I am being taken advantage of when it happens, and unfaithful to my husband for letting the contact happen, and misleading to the man. I have since stopped allowing this contact, moving my breasts away when I think he is going to "accidentally" bump into them, to stand across from him instead of allowing us to stand side my side as he leans his ear (and the offending arm) in to hear me. I think this is frotterism. My questions are 1) do you think it is frotterism (it is done in public, but I KNOW it's him), 2) what do you think his mindset is toward me 3) what is your advice ? I was thinking optimistically to view him as a friend, and merely continue adverting contact til he stops trying to obtain it, or to confront him on his behavior the next time it occurs.
Thank you for your time.
The man exposes you to sexual harassments and you might unknowingly have encouraged him. An erotic fixation does not usually transform into friendship, since a man can become very frustrated, if a woman, that he feel has lead him on, suddenly does not want to anymore. A woman can appreciate the courtship in the beginning before it becomes too serious, but it is powerful forces that one sets off. You do not have to make advances on him for him to feel encouraged. If one does nor firmly state ones disapproval, the man can understand it to be okey to continue. Tell him in a nice way that your husband does not want you to be in contact with other men and that you therefore kindly ask him to stop with his advances. Be carefull of the signals that you put out there in the future.
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