There is a risk that your difficult feelings will push women away. A woman loves a man because he can give her what she needs, not because he needs to be loved.
Two women have rejected you. This is not proof that you can’t be loved. You need to get out and meet other women or start up a chat on the internet and form contacts there.
Would you consider starting in group psychotherapy? In group therapy you would be able to devote time to reflection and self evaluation regarding your part in what happens to you. You can even learn a lot about relationships from the other participants.