i write this with my husband next to me and supporting me.
My story starts with my husband always asking me to flirt with other men. I am 50 years old and this is my 2nd marriage. We have been together for 6 years. About 2 years ago my husband and I started fantasying about other men in bed. Calling me his “hotwife” and shortly after he would encourage me to make eyes at guys in bars and clubs we would visit. I must admit some of the men that have asked me to dance or just flirted with me has turned me on. But until this last week it always been just a fantasy. I went to Israel on a business trip while there I was hit on everywhere I went. From the old man in the lobby, to the cab driver who wouldn’t leave my hotel waiting for me to go somewhere. The last day I met a young man who sat next to me on a tour I took. I did flirt with these men because all I was thinking about was bringing stories home for my husband. Then about noon a very handsome German man 49 years old got on the tour bus and he wouldn’t leave me alone. Well, we went for drinks and after we kissed on the beach. He was good looking but even kissing him I felt nothing. While this was going on all I was thinking about is telling my husband everything and pleasing his sexual appetite. Well, I don’t know what I was thinking but I let him come to my room. He threw me on the bed lifted my dress up and took off his pants before I could process all that was happening. Because he did not have a rubber I would not let him enter me but he did complete himself on my chest.
Well, I told my husband everything when I came home yesterday but I feel so guilty and so dirty. I feel like a whore. My husband own feelings have been like a roller coaster. This is a fantasy that we have played with but when it becomes reality it gets real, real quick. My husband tells me he loves me more today then yesterday. And I believe that 100% but I am struggling with my own feelings any help would be appreciated. Please any ideas about how to get rid of my guilt. Today I woke up crying.
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Today's date: Sun, 26 May 2013 02:49:49 +0200