This is complex I guess. I'm frequently feeling a little crazy and have gone through multiple periods of this feeling throughout my life. I feel like nothing is real, that there's somehow a barrier between myself and the world. When anyone specifically interacts with me, I get nervous, sweaty, shaky and can't think straight. My heart races and I have difficulty breathing. This doesn't happen with my husband, but it happens with mostly everyone else. When I see someone I know, I will go out of my way to avoid them, not because I don't like them or anything, but because it's easier and safer.
I'm a student, and I really dislike going onto campus because of all the people. Every person that passes by me distracts me. I feel like it's a huge sensory overload. As a result, I find it difficult to study or pay attention in class unless I'm right up front, but sitting so close to the front makes me feel vulnerable. I often come home from campus feeling upset and negative.
I've also noticed that even though I contribute to the mess, I find it incredibly distracting if things aren't tidied up. I can't concentrate knowing that the dishes need to be done or that the laundry is strewn everywhere.
The anxiety I experience when talking to people in every day conversation has always been like that, especially with people I'm just getting to know. And I feel completely out of control when it happens because I'll try my best not to shake, sweat or stutter, but it happens regardless of how much I try to stop it. The strange thing is that I used to love to act on stage and even though I'd be so extremely nervous in reality, on stage I could let go of that. But now that it's been so long since I've acted, I'm not sure I'd be able to summon up the courage to audition for anything.
I guess my question is, does this sound familiar to anyone? Is this serious enough to see someone about? How can I be less anxious?
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Today's date: Thu, 23 May 2013 01:31:31 +0200