lized that he like porns and watch it whenever I'm not around. I hate porns so I told him if he loves me more than the porn he should stop watching it. He said okay but I guess he couldn't control it. we had some fights over it but finally i gave up and realized if it makes him happy I should not care a lot. At least he wasn't cheating on me so I started to think positively. One day he got mad about something small and said he don't want to be with me. I asked him why he never said anything. So I was like okay lets just take a break and see how things go. But after a month he realized he loves me and asked me to be back. I didn't wanted to because i felt like he disrespected me. But I just love him soo much so we got back together. We live together but we don't have sex. I wanted to wait it until marriage and he was fine with it too. We just kissed, cuddled and hugged each other. I think that's the reason he needed porn often. I had no more problems with it coz I can understand that. We work in a same place but just different shifts. There was a new host at our work. I was at home. Him and her spend time at work talking to each other and he told her that he was single. He comes back home and still act like he love me. I had to study for the test so he asked me if i could go in the other room to study coz he was sleepy. I said okay. but he wanted me to go coz he wanted to text the other girl. Early in the morning I got up and woke him up to go to school. I saw a text notification in his phone but he had locked his phone with a different password. So I asked him he has a message. He left to the restroom ignoring me. I had a technique to open his phone so I opened it. there was a girl's text with good morning sweetie:).....i got mad because i didnot knew who she was. when he comes back I asked him who the girl is. He turned all red and said the new host. i asked him how he got her number coz she's been at work for just 1 week. He said he don't know why she text him. i got all depressed coz he wasn't telling me the truth. i had a test but I missed it. I hid his phone. He left for school. I text the girl back asking why she thinks I'm sweetie and try to get things out of it. I text her back making myself as my boyfriend saying that I have a gf and i still love her. Sorry about lying to you. But she insisted to still hang out sometimes because she thinks he is caring. I text her back that we can be friends but not too close so she said okay. after that I put her name in my number in my boyfriends phone so when he text her I can get the message without letting him know. Coz i wanted to know the truth. I talked to him when he came back and he said i suspected on him and he don't want to be together. he broke up with me and told me he never text her. so I cried and all depressed went to other room. after a while I get a text from my bf asking if i got any messages from his phone coz he left his phone at home. And I get the message and i said yes. he told that I did it because I'm jealous of him talking to other girls. And I reply him back why is she jealous? isn't she your gf? then I got a message no I have no feelings for her, we just live together, i don't love her at all....i fell apart...i just couldn'y believe it. Why did he wanted to lie to me? Is it that guy always go over for sex than anything else that's why he did it to me? I love him to death but I just can't spend my life happily with him. I cared for him. I talked to that girl at work and told her what the truth was coz he had lied to her. But he is a very nice guy and said that if she thinks about dating him I won't be mad with her because I don't want to go back to his life. I have cried a lot...alot...cannot even tell....I want him to realize his mistakes so that he grows up and make wise decisions in his life. Even tho I love him I want it to come back to him so he realizes how much it hurts...please help me....I live with him...i can't even hate him...but i want to...i'm not that kinda girl....if i love someone i love truly and it's just killing me to death....i have no interest in living....i'm not gonna kill myself or anything but life's just too null....i want to be happy....i don't think I can trust anyone.....please help.
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Today's date: Sat, 30 May 2020 23:30:17 +0200