Am I crazy or evil?

I have a problem saying one thing and doing another. I know that what I am doing is wrong yet I do the opposite every time. I go against my beliefs all the time as well, I know lying, cheating and manipulation is wrong yet I do it anyway. I love my husband very much but I have a very hard time talking with him. I'll agree with everything he says one minute but when I'm confronted I get so angry I say things like we shouldn't be together even though that's not what I want. In the long run I know what he is saying is true as well but it still doesn't stop me from being a total jerk to him. He is the only one I treat like this. He tells me that I am hurting his feelings yet I do nothing. I am a counselor and know so many treatment tools, I know what to say and what to do yet I can not apply it to my personal life at all. I seek attention and affection from other men even though I love my husband and want to be with him. I have never physically cheated on him but I have emotionally cheated several times. I have been to counselors, yet accomplish nothing. I want to work on other aspects of my life vs. myself thinking that if only I can change that part of my life things will be better. I am currently taking 100mg of Lamictal which I think at this point is totally pointless. I know that only I can change myself but it doesn't stop me from seeking elsewhere for answers. Like I said, I know what I need to do, have all the information/ training to do it yet I do nothing. Does that make me crazy or evil?