I have a very intense and unhealthy hatred for when a boyfriend (or sometimes even my dad, brother or friend--but especially someone I am dating) says anything at all about another girl being pretty. I try to keep it to myself and not really let him know, but anytime he says ANYTHING or even looks at her a certain way, I feel a big ball of hate in my stomach. I think to myself, "then leave me alone and go for her." OR "How pathetic. You could never even get her. Yet, you are with me, so I must not be very good for settling for you." It doesn't matter who the boyfriend is. I have done this with them all since I was a teenager (I am in my 30's now). Why can every other girl accept this kind of behavior from men and I can't? I always justify it by reminding myself that I never do the same to them, that I never make comments about guys because I am loyal and devoted to them body and soul. When they say a girl is pretty, I automatically think they "WANT" her, and if they want her, I must not be good enough because they already have me. I can't even watch a movie with him that has sex or nudity in it because I convince myself that he will want the naked girl. Even when he says "so-and-so is not THAT pretty," all i hear is "she is pretty". Even when he says, "my sister could never fill elizabeth hurley's shoes," I hear, "Elizabeth Hurley is the hottest woman ever, so you are not." What do I do? Why do I think this way? Everyone I have confided in about this thinks I am crazy. I don't know waht to do and I can't afford a phsychiatrist. I am scared to ruin my current relationship because I really care about this man. I can tell he tries to minimize expressions of this kind, but he is a human man, and sometimes things slip. I don't want to drive him nuts by being depressed every time he says something like this. I don't hound him or get mad. I just get sad. And I think he picks up on it. Help! Thanks!
p.s. I was a very fat kid, about 200 lbs. I lost weight and am now in the 130's. I am tall, have long hair and a pretty face so I get quite a bit of attention. I think this has something to do with my problem because I feel like i worked so hard to get to where I am now physically, that I think I should be adored more than any other girl by the man I choose to be with. How do I get over that? I am aging, afterall, and won't be pretty forever.
Top
