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  I am insecure and unhappy and may loose my bf. HELP!
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KOM2002 (question)  I am insecure and unhappy and may loose my bf. HELP!

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question I am insecure and unhappy and may loose my bf. HELP! , 20 May 2009 03:15
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I am insecure and unhappy and may loose my bf. HELP!
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Date: Wed, 20 May 2009 03:15:02 +0200
Language: English

 


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I am 18 years old, about 2 years about i was happy. The relationship i had with my parents preferably with my mother was wonderful. I can honestly say she was my best friend. Then I got into a relationship with this wonderful guy who just made me even happier. The first four months into the relationship was great. It was everything I could have ever wanted. I was so happy, i could not believe this was happening. Then my mother found out about my relationship and totally lost it. She is one of these mothers who believe that sticking to your own kind is the right way to live. Because my bf is of a different race she disliked him and my relationship and forbid me to never speak to him. Of course i went behind her back and still contacted him and saw him at school. We became even closer and then we started becoming intimate. I really loved him and he was so understanding and he stuck by me even tho he knew what my mother thought of him. He was so faithful to me and he tried to please me in everyway. If I felt insecure he would do anything in his power to please me. MY mother eventually found out again about me and him and she decided to send me to canada for the summer. I guess she thought that if i saw what was out there i would realise that he was not worth it. I came back and was still with my bf but at this point my mother had lost it again and constantly she would be insulting me, calling me a failure, telling me how much of a slut i am for having this boy, that i was worthless and that i was so wicked to put my parents through this. By this time the only person i believe to be there for me was my bf, I became more attached to him and yearned for him even more. IT was here that i became insecure. I felt as tho everything that i was going tru wud make him leave me. I felt as tho i wasn't good enough, I felt as tho he wud cheat on me. From this point in our relationship everyday i wud accuse of cheating or talking to another girl. The anger and resentment my mother had for me i channeled it to him. Our relationship became rocky and we started to crumble but we tried so hard to keep it together. He stuck by me all the time and tried to understand my insecurity. Time after time i would promise not to feel this way but i eventually do. About a year and 2 months into the relationship i found out some girl kissed him but he told me he didn't kiss her that she kissed him. He told me that he stopped being around her. Hearing this i became angry and slaped him twice. He begged for about 2 months and i tortured him for the same 2 months because i was hurt. After that our relationship was quite ok but i became even more insecure and always held my guard. But my relationship with my mother was never the same and everything time she found out about me and my bf she would verbally torture me making me feel awful and in return i took it out on my bf. I hate my mother for this because i feel as tho if she had just accepted me and my bf i would not be feeling depressed and insecure always getting angry with my bf. I love my bf dearly but i don't know if i'm in the relationship to prove to my mother that i can stick with him or because i love him. I promise him all the time that i will change and stop being so insecure but i eventually accuse him of some thing wit a girl. I don't know if i have gotten over that fact that some girl kissed him. I dont know if i think of him as some wimp who will let girls walk over him thats why i think he will cheat on me. But he reassures me that he stands up for himself and his relationship. I don't know why i can't trust him. I want to so badly but i don't know how. I get so insecure now if he's on the phone with another girl. He tells me no girl don't call his house but i feel so insecure that i think they do. I such a wreck and my mother isn't making it any better. She is still against the relationship and everytime she see me on the phone she quarrels but i am fighting for it. It was been 2 yrs and 3 months now that we are together and that my mother has been stressing me out. I am so depressed and i am so unhappy i make my bf unhappy. I feel he will cheat on me but he says he won't. I am just so insecure. Please Help me!!!

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