I want to begin by saying if you have a gut feeling, women follow it! My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years and i found out yesterday that 4 years ago, he cheated on me while i was away.
Going through this is proving to be kinda tough on me emotionally. The thought of him laying up with someone else really devastates me ESPECIALLY because he initially accused me of being the cheater. Throughout our 6 years of relationship i have been more than 100% faithful to him. This guy is my first true love and i lost my virginity to him. What still kinda hurts about this situation is that when he finally admitted he didn't even apologize. In the back of my head all i could think was that he wasn't truly remorseful for what happened. He did finally apologize but i'm emotionally confused as to whether it was truthfully sincere. In the back of my head, i had so many questions that i wanted to know about the incident(s) but when i asked he got pretty defensive with me. The whole situation bruised me because it made me feel as though i was less of a woman. For him to have to look outside our relationship for satisfaction killed me. I didn't ask who other woman was and i doubt that he will tell but i kinda want to know. [questions of was she prettier than me, was she better than me, did she make you feel a way that i didn't still cross my mind]. What kinda worries me more is that next year we will be experiencing some more time away. I don't know whether he's going to feel tempted to fall back into the trap when i go away.
I'm trying to get through this but it's like a rollercoaster. I'm not advising that everyone should stay with a man who cheated because every situation is different. Im choosing to stick by my man, however, because i think that he does want to do better. Even though it hurt and it took him 4 years to come clean i believe that i can trust him. The thought in the back of my head that at some point in our relationship i shared my man with some "mystery" woman still feels like a knife in the back. I'm still praying about this and asking God to lift this from my heart. It's not that hard for me to forgive...the forgetting will be a bit more difficult.
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Today's date: Thu, 9 Jul 2020 00:03:56 +0200