My husband says my ultimate "gift" to him is anal sex?

WE'VE BEEN MARRIED (I THOUGHT HAPPILY) FOR 16 YRS. MY HUSBAND HAS IT IN HIS MIND THAT BECAUSE I HAVEN'T OFFERED ANAL SEX,(WHICH HE SAYS I PROMISED HIM ONCE WE WERE MARRIED) THAT I CAN'T REALLY LOVE HIM. I NEVER REALIZED UNTIL TODAY HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO HIM. I HAVE TRIED WITH HIM BECAUSE I KNOW NOW HOW MUCH HE WANTS IT BUT I REALLY AND TRULY DON'T LIKE IT. HE SAYS THAT ALL MARRIED COUPLES DO IT. DO THEY? HE SAYS THAT THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN MY ULTIMATE GIFT TO HIM (I WAS NOT A VIRGIN). WE HAVE A WONDERFUL SEX LIFE (SO I THOUGHT) AND I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH. I WAS BROUGHT UP AS A GREEK CANADIAN AND HIS IS GREEK IF THIS MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE. HE GOES THROUGH PHASES OF BEEN EXTREMELY LOVING AND CARING AND THEN BAM, A MOOD SWING AND HE GOES ON ABOUT THIS ANAL SEX BUSINESS AND THAT I DON'T REALLY DEEPLY LOVE HIM. I'M AT MY WITS END AS HE REALLY IS A LOVING HUSBAND AND FATHER AND A GOOD PROVIDER FOR US BUT AM I WRONG? SHOULD WE SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP? HELP!

I think your husband's mood swings are more than just about anal sex.
You say you have tried anal with him, I assume that means more than once, and I also assume that he was slow and gentle with you. If not, then his urgent need to have it may have spoiled his chances for you both to enjoy it.
His being Greek has nothing to do with his anal fetish.

I think he would be too embarrassed to discuss anal sex in front of a counselor, and he knows the counselor's advice would be to respect your wishes and your limits.

If your husband simply doesn't know how to go slow and gently, and that is the reason you don't like it, then he needs some instruction on how to, if you are willing. If however you just can't stand anything in there no matter what,
that pretty much closes the subject.

Would you be horrified if he chose to satisfy this need with another partner?
A lot of women have the attitude of "I should be enough for him, and he should respect what I want and what I don't want". Some women absolutely refuse to do oral sex, or try it and hate it. They expect the man to accept the situation. Some men hate performing oral too, and leave their wives unsatisfied that way. A person's limits should be respected, but there's no reason a person should have to go through marriage cut off from something they enjoy, because their partner doesn't want it. I personally don't believe in the attitude of "that's just the way it is, learn to live without it". If my partner refused to do oral sex with me, and I loved her, I would find it somewhere else. And I would not feel guilty about it, as I know I would do anything to please them. In fact, I once performed oral to a grateful (and extremely beautiful) woman whose husband refused to. She loved him, and didn't want to leave him. Was it wrong of me? Yes. Was it more wrong for her to just "do without"? In my opinion, yes. That didn't justify my committing adultry with her, though. She eventually ended it, but said she did not regret being satisfied that way (I was the only man who had done that for her before; pretty sad actually.)

If you can tolerate your husband being satified this way by another woman who enjoys it, and he does not bring home anything like a disease (and agrees to get tested regularly), it might be a solution for both of you. But he should stop bugging you for that, and making you feel guilty for "not loving him enough". That's not just immature, it's almost emotional blackmail.

All I can say say is that I didnt want to do it for so long and then I met my current partner. There was no pressure but I kinda knew how much he wanted to try it so we did. I can honestly say that he was really gentle and I trusted him completely and it made me the wettest Ive ever been and I loved it.
Aslong as your partner is understanding of your worries and takes it slow then I think you will really enjoy it - with a fist full of lube!! Totally understand where you are coming from, I was always sure that i would never partake but if you trust him not to be a yob then go 4 it.