Married to an severe alcoholic/addict

i am married to an alcoholic/addict. i have two little girls 4 and 5. i feel so angry and depressed. the lies are to many too count the tears are too many to wipe. i feel so alone. he seems to be getting more and more sick over the years(mentally)and he has aged dramatically this past year. help me somebody, i feel like i'm sufficating

I know exactly how you are feeling. After 7 years a 6 year old daughter and many on again off again bouts with my live in boyfriend I have finally (I think) decided to let him go. I say I think because we have a cycle where he loses his temper and goes too far in his drunken rampages, and I kick him out or he leaves on his own accord or under the threat of the police.

It is so painful to see the man that you love, someone you have convinced yourself is your soul mate, wasting his own life away. The feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming. I use to see so much potential in him, and just knew I could "save him".

He has gradually torn apart my self esteem. He is an angry drunk and I have to control my tongue around him constantly. Walk on egg shells. I am 8 years his senior at the age of 34. I have maintained a rewarding career for almost 10 years now and have a 14 year old son from a previous relationship- he has suffered the most. He is the one who would catch a lot of the boyfriends wrath when the "episodes' would explode. Then our fights would come from me defending my son. I shouldn't have to do that.

This man who I love so much has hurt me severely over the years, I forgive him and continue to try to save him, losing myself in the process.

The physical, mental and emotional abuse I have endured are in describable.

When we are separated I tend to transform into something better every time. I look better, I am less stressed and I smile more. Yet for reason I can't explain I always let him back in with nothing more than a smile and a promise, that never last.

This time I have to be done, for the safety of my children and myself. You really can't save them. If they are taking you away from life, if they are making you feel like you are swallowing cotten every day- you have to leave.

I am relieved that he is gone, I am staying strong every day it get easier. I am lonely, but I was lonely when he was there. I try not to be mad at him, I say I wouldn't go the hospital and cuss out a cancer patient for dying, so I won't be mad at him for killing himself. He has a disease that only he, God, and some professional medical help can cure.

Get out of this relationship NOW- it is fruitless, he will not change until he hits rock bottom, he must lose everything- including his family. It is sad and it is hard, but it is the only way you can save yourself and your kids and find your way back to a normal life.

Good luck- god be with us both.

Sorry to hear of all your heart ache, I too was in the exact same boat, I was married 17 1/2 years ,we had two daughters 2 years apart in age.
I kept telling myself well he's really a good man and he loves his kids. But then he would go on binges and drink, sometimes not coming home for days, and then sometimes coming home just to be pitiful,broke,*paycheck gone* abusive,verbally, and physically, but not all the time. I'd ask him why he did it, when he worked so hard for his money, and the same stupid answer, was, I don't know, that just killed me to hear that. I lied for him, to everyone, even lied once in a court room. Things i did so maybe he would eventually straighten up, he promised so many times, and sometimes it would stick, just long enough for me to gain my confidence back in him, and then out of the blue, Drunk, all the crap that came with it, the girls would eventually get old enough so then they were involved in our little secret world of living with an alcoholic, I finally had enough, and took my girls, and divorce him. I can't say it's easy, but you sure do have the peace of mind know your kids don't have to deal with that crap any longer. Please take this to heart, start over, and give your kids a fresh start. Don't do like i did and wait until they were teenagers.
Best Luck,
Michelle

I can so understand....I am also married to an addict. The funny thing is he has been sober for 15 months, but now its pills and not every day thats what makes it even harder I dont know when to expect it. I have laid down how I feel about a clean and sober life and he seems to agree but of course then the addiction kicks in. We to have children and it is getting harder and harder to hide, or maybe I shouldnt hide it I dont know. I also feel very alone and have nobody to talk to. I wish you the best of luck

I too feel alone. Im not married but I have been with someone for just over 2 years and he has a drink prob. Im finding it very hard. Im in tears as I write this ,I do not know where my future is going. I feel very alone. As I read all your stories Im finding it hard to hold back the tears as I know what you're going through, even tho Im not married things have turned quite bad and I do not know which way to turn. Would like someone to talk to. When me and my boyfriend met I didnt know about his drink prob, he had a good job and seemed lovely and patient and reliable and caring and relaxed (thats the guy that I dont want to leave). However I knew he'd had a hard up bringing and then more and more things came out, I found out about his drink probs in the past and then about how alcoholism ran in his family. I obviously thought i was the calming influence on him and he could change but gradually he started letting me down and standing me up and being unreliable through drink. Recently things have got quite bad and he was violent, this was when he was sober. theres so much going through my mind. I cant understand how he can be so nice and then change. He turns to drink all the time, especially after we've argued. He just hits the bottle and then ignores me for days. Hes got in trouble at work and with the police because of his drinking (hes in the forces). Hes ruining his life. He knows I panic and worry yet he still lets me down. Ive ended it with him few times and hes begged and said he'd change. He only changes for about a month and then he starts letting me down. Sometimes I feel like he blames me. yet I know hes had the drink prob for years. Can people change? Funny thing is he doesnt drink with me only alone in his room and hides it or with mates. He always goes too far. Hes ignored me for days. As Xmas approaches I feel sick with nerves of being alone. Ive given him chances tho and he still lets me down. He knows how I worry. Sorry for long rant, just finding things very hard.

I too feel alone. Im not married but I have been with someone for just over 2 years and he has a drink prob. Im finding it very hard. Im in tears as I write this ,I do not know where my future is going. I feel very alone. As I read all your stories Im finding it hard to hold back the tears as I know what you're going through, even tho Im not married things have turned quite bad and I do not know which way to turn. Would like someone to talk to. When me and my boyfriend met I didnt know about his drink prob, he had a good job and seemed lovely and patient and reliable and caring and relaxed (thats the guy that I dont want to leave). However I knew he'd had a hard up bringing and then more and more things came out, I found out about his drink probs in the past and then about how alcoholism ran in his family. I obviously thought i was the calming influence on him and he could change but gradually he started letting me down and standing me up and being unreliable through drink. Recently things have got quite bad and he was violent, this was when he was sober. theres so much going through my mind. I cant understand how he can be so nice and then change. He turns to drink all the time, especially after we've argued. He just hits the bottle and then ignores me for days. Hes got in trouble at work and with the police because of his drinking (hes in the forces). Hes ruining his life. He knows I panic and worry yet he still lets me down. Ive ended it with him few times and hes begged and said he'd change. He only changes for about a month and then he starts letting me down. Sometimes I feel like he blames me. yet I know hes had the drink prob for years. Can people change? Funny thing is he doesnt drink with me only alone in his room and hides it or with mates. He always goes too far. Hes ignored me for days. As Xmas approaches I feel sick with nerves of being alone. Ive given him chances tho and he still lets me down. He knows how I worry. Sorry for long rant, just finding things very hard.