Married to an severe alcoholic/addict

i am married to an alcoholic/addict. i have two little girls 4 and 5. i feel so angry and depressed. the lies are to many too count the tears are too many to wipe. i feel so alone. he seems to be getting more and more sick over the years(mentally)and he has aged dramatically this past year. help me somebody, i feel like i'm sufficating

I know exactly how you are feeling. After 7 years a 6 year old daughter and many on again off again bouts with my live in boyfriend I have finally (I think) decided to let him go. I say I think because we have a cycle where he loses his temper and goes too far in his drunken rampages, and I kick him out or he leaves on his own accord or under the threat of the police.

It is so painful to see the man that you love, someone you have convinced yourself is your soul mate, wasting his own life away. The feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming. I use to see so much potential in him, and just knew I could "save him".

He has gradually torn apart my self esteem. He is an angry drunk and I have to control my tongue around him constantly. Walk on egg shells. I am 8 years his senior at the age of 34. I have maintained a rewarding career for almost 10 years now and have a 14 year old son from a previous relationship- he has suffered the most. He is the one who would catch a lot of the boyfriends wrath when the "episodes' would explode. Then our fights would come from me defending my son. I shouldn't have to do that.

This man who I love so much has hurt me severely over the years, I forgive him and continue to try to save him, losing myself in the process.

The physical, mental and emotional abuse I have endured are in describable.

When we are separated I tend to transform into something better every time. I look better, I am less stressed and I smile more. Yet for reason I can't explain I always let him back in with nothing more than a smile and a promise, that never last.

This time I have to be done, for the safety of my children and myself. You really can't save them. If they are taking you away from life, if they are making you feel like you are swallowing cotten every day- you have to leave.

I am relieved that he is gone, I am staying strong every day it get easier. I am lonely, but I was lonely when he was there. I try not to be mad at him, I say I wouldn't go the hospital and cuss out a cancer patient for dying, so I won't be mad at him for killing himself. He has a disease that only he, God, and some professional medical help can cure.

Get out of this relationship NOW- it is fruitless, he will not change until he hits rock bottom, he must lose everything- including his family. It is sad and it is hard, but it is the only way you can save yourself and your kids and find your way back to a normal life.

Good luck- god be with us both.