Fed up, trapped...

but don't know what to do. Been married a long time . Most of marriage has not financially help support family. Has not held a job in a very long time. Has cheated, almost had physical confrontations with women he claim to be friends. His relationship obviously led them to believe that he preferr them over me, so they disrespect my position as his wife and feel they can treat me anyway they please and he has taken their side. Yet he contend that they are only friends. When I threaten to divorce, he ends the "friendship" and place the blame on the women saying that they misunderstood his intentions. He never apologize or take responsibility for the pain and drama that these situations caused. I am Deep in debt all bills aquired during this marriage are in my name. He has no credit. When I was unable to work he did nothing to keep the family a float. I Worked, at one time, three jobs to earn money to get house built, along with loans. He Has taken totally control. Allow people to stay, put people before the marriage, stores people belongings crowding up the space. Spends ALOT of money helping others. Money he has not earned. Flex like he is the man, but it is from my hard work, suffering and sacrifice. Does these things without asking me of getting my feeling about them. Places me in a position where it is hard to keep a float because of his waste. Food is available in the refrig. If I am too tired to cook, he won't prepare food. He will spend money buying what he wants to eat in restuarants. He will sit and watch me clean and mop and wash until I am aching and exausted and will not offer to help. Tries to force me to do things that I don't want to do by setting up situations (basically concerning other women). Although I continuosly say no, it is not respected. He is unreliquishing and he push and push until he gets what he wants. Verbally and psychologically abusive. Seeks only self gratification. When in the public, overly friendly wears soiled clothing to give the impression that he is always working. Convinces people that he is the ideal husband. When I tell how he is and about the things he does, No one believes me. He has perfected hiding his true self. At one time, I had a problem with the children because when they were younger he brainwashed them that they did not have to listen to me. He wanted them to favor him over me. Thank God as they got older they saw differently. I have sacrificed and neglected myself trying to do my best to keep the bills paid and give the children a decent life so they will not be damaged.
I can go on and on, but you have the gest of my problem. Being that I am so in debt, I cannot afford another place to stay. I have no family support system. My friends stop calling because I guess they got tired of hearing me talk and cry about what he does. Most of the time I am so weak and depressed. Cannot drum up enough energy to even pray. I often wonder what have I done for me to be in such misery, helplessness and hopelessness. I have not lived a bad life I have not caused anyone trouble I am a law abiding citizen. Why am I trapped. He says he loves me. Sometimes when we are in the public he says loving things to lead people to believe that we have a good marriage. I know this sounds unbelievable. He has me so confused. I know he will never change. I know that I need to get away but I do't have the resources, the drive or the know how to leave

i do not know who you are but i saw myself in you. you and i are going through the same thing. my "husband" and i have been married for 5 years already and until now, we do not have kids. he would not want to have sex, does not have a job, and no future plans whatsoever. he plays computer the whole day everyday of the week!!! and in the game, he is worshipped by the other online players for being kind, helpful, respectful, etc., which in reality he is not.

i feel frustrated everyday and yet i cannot understand myself why i am still with him. my credit card has been maxed out as well because of him. i work so hard and yet i cannot even treat myself to a decent spa!

you know what? i am not self righteous, but i think i survive the day by praying.
my faith sustains me throughout all of these...and like you, i do not know when this will end but i pray for guidance everyday. believe that everything that happens has a reason. i was even asking God if this would mean i should hold true to my vow...(for better or for worse thing) or do in have to break the sacrament of marriage which is not so sacred(at least to us) anyway?

Prayer helps sister. let us pray for each other and for the other women who are on the same boat as ours. we should never stop believing that in life, there will always be balance. try your best to stay positive, channel your thoughts into something good. i am sure, at the right time, your life will be much more favorable. do not depend too much on other people, i understand how lonely it gets without someone to listen, but in reality, it will just be you who will decide on the ending of this chapter.

you are a beautiful person. we are gifts of God to unlovable people, just so they would know that they are still loved. but even God says "enough".