my boyfriend is cheating on me but I can't leave him

We've dated for about 4 yrs and lived together almost that long. Problem iks this he made friends with this gal and they call each other daily even when am asleep he'll go to the toilet to talk. i know he's cheating but when I confronted him he denied it all. am sad to think that having invested for this time its all falinng apart. Other than that he has introduced me to his family and his mum and I are friends. I talked to her about the issue but she says I should't overeact be quiet but she know he loves me. He tells me am the best and all but I dont want to cry anymore. I want to be happy, How do I start?

dump him

Hi
I typed my bf is cheating on me in google and this message came up so i had to reply
Im in exactly your position my bf an i have been togethr for almost 3 yrs, i thought he was the one id spend the rest of my life with but now im havin doubts...hes been cheating on me with someone at work, and as he works at a hotel and she lives there its a very convient for him...
I found out almost a month ago and since then hes been going back and forth between her an me, your probably asking yourself why i dont walk away, i honestly cant bring myself to end our realtionship i just love him too much!!
Our reationship has had its ups and downs, like every realtionship but the pain im feelin at the moment cant even be put into words... he just isnt a very nice person to me to be honst he hits me and puts me down and makes me feel small, but on the same token makes me feel special and loved, which is what i crave because i have had a hard past...What makes the whole situaltion worse is the fact weve been tryin for a baby because i have always wanted a baby and i thought that was what he wanted 2, and now hes doing this to me...no other word but spinless!
I always said to myself that if i ever found out that hed cheated on me id kick both there teeth in and walk away imdiatly and it would definatly make me not love him any more but now im in that situation, i pysically cant...

And this is the crazy thing about it since i found out ive been chattin with the other girl hes seeing,and been nice but only cud he told her at 1st he wasnt with me no more-when he was. I actually feel sorry for her aswell as for myself lol she has got sucked in like i have and now has fallen for him too, i no she cant experience the love i feel for him but i can see he made her feel special too just like me...at the moment shes the only one i can actually talk to properly about this, shes the only one that understands...She wants this to end as well i do cause lets face it this cant carry on!!

Today he told her he thinks he loves her a bit :( so what does that mean he loves us both, he says he only said that to make her feel better casue he feels bad but i no thats bull....
I wish everything would all go away, i no im been treated like a doormat but i love him and i just cant cope been alone...i no only i can end this but hes saying hell get a new job and be with me, so dont want to end this and him be with her...i just love him so fookin much
I know this post was ment to be to help u but its turned into a cry for help, i can see u posted it a good few months ago so maybe your problem is sorted and you can help me

Chloe x

Hi Cloe I exactly know the pain you are going through. Am in the same thing at the moment. Nothing has changed. Its all the same story the pain hte lies the tears I really am down and I have exams soon. I just can't find strength within myself to let go. He isn't a bad person but what he's doing is worng. Honestly I hate this other gal and I wish I never met her. But wishing never solves anything. I want things to go back to the way they were. Am afraid to let go I know am young and beautiful and I can make it on my own but I dont want to be by myself. He actually calls her everymorning after uni classes and every night b4 he sleeps. I cant stop him from doing all this but I can stop myself. My gals tell me its high time to say goodbye but am not interested in any other guy. Holla back gal I think we can help each other. take care.

i ask myboyfriend do he got a girlfriend but he tell me that he try to think about school but he did tell he mom about me so i do think he cheating because he did not take me to meet he mom plus am geting sick in try of the seem lies try so am going to breck up with him that going to be hard but i got to thick about my feel.............

I can understand what you both are going through,i have the same situation right now but the difference is i used to know who the other woman is before and i broke them up but now that hes doing it again i dont know who the new one is:( coz my BF has been very good in hiding everything from me ever since i caught him before.Its killing me to live everyday thinking that hes cheating on me and i cant do anything.I wanted to leave him and ive tried so many times but i love him so much i always end up staying and him promising that he will not do it again.Weve been together for almost 2 years now and ive caught him so many times now,i know i should leave but i dont know why i cant,i know im stupid to stay but im scared to go and be alone.

wow i can understand your feelings about not wanting to be alone. I feel the same way about my boyfriend he hits me calls me names and puts me down literally everyday. he screams at my family and is very abusive. Okay, I know im a total sucker for not taking my own advice but my guts are building slowly. When your with somebody for that long you do care deeply about them but there is no REAL love in cheating. Its VERY hard for me becuase i can never see my friends and have lost alot of them becuase of my boyfriend. But im going to take the risk and break up with him i deserve better. I will be much happier with somebody that treats me good. REMEMBER EVERYBODY ABUSE HAS NO PLACE IN LOVE.

well my dad always told me if you think somebody is cheating on you. your proably right. trust your instincts and listen to the signs. I know you love him but picture a life like this? its just not relistic. There will be plently of other people out there who WILL not treat you like that. always remember

Hey ladies,
Im a 24 year old mom thats going through everything you guys are going through and ladies this sh** is getting crazy. Me and "MY" man has been together for 4 1/2 years, we live together, we have a baby together, we have everything we've build together and we are suppoused to get married next week to make everything official, but im sad to admit this guy is playing games with me and i've invested so much into him that im afraid of ending it. I guess this isn't the first time i believed he's cheated and he claims that he is'nt cheating but i must have a angel wathching over me because one week before i sign my life over to this guy, my women intuition allowed me to become matlock on someone lol and i quessed his code to his vm. Ladies i came across a message from some little heifer asking him to come pick her up to go to the hospital. I must have relistened to that sh** 20 times until i moved on to the next message, ladies a second message from the same chick telling him off because she left her boyfriend to be with him and shes been calling him because he was suppouse to come see her and he tells her that he was sleeping. Yo i could hurt this a**hole he probably was in bed holding me while on the phone talking to this b**ch. Ladies i bust my a** off for this man. Im a home body, i take care of him(massages, his feet, cooking) the works. All i could think about is im doing all the hard work and she indulging in my sweat. Hes been escorting her around in our vehicle. i could seriously hurt this man. then he walks in and sees me on the phone and my tears and is like "baby what happen whats wrong?" Yo his lies were bouncing off of me because the next thing i knew my bedroom t.v was on the fall. Ladies i am so embarrased and confused right now. we are very close and i know he loves me and don't want to lose me but how could he betray me like this? I don't know what to do i love this man and i want to be with him........we are raising a family and i know that in the past i wasn't 100% true to him, but we are on a new level and when i first told him that i was feeling him too he wanted this family. What am i going to do?

DesperatelySusan and ChloeX, as it seems the men that we love unfortunately are cheaters. Both of your relationship is a mirror of my own. I'm engaged to my bf and he has always cheated before the engagement and to this day after. i accepted the proposal thinking that the pass 3yrs of cheating would be over...a month later he proved me wrong; then a month after that ect... today i find myself here, courtesy of GOOGLE. He cheats with different women but 1 in particular he keeps cheating with. I always told MYSELF he didnt really love her b/c he would be with her (we live together as well) if he did,right..no! wrong. this last occurrence has pushed me over the edge, it was just me finding an email, the usual cheating thing but i feel different now b/c though he is here Im done CONVINCING MYSELF that he doesnt love her. Ladies the hardest thing for me to do is to let go, the second hardest was for me to realize and accept that loves someone else ALSO, though he loves me; at this point it's not good enough. Why should WE accept a shared love? Why don't we feel that someone can love us totally? Though a man may vary well cheat there is a difference in CHEATERS. a guy may cheat but HELL will freeze over before he is caught again (Susan)he's trying and he may even break it off with (who ever the slut is)if he detects you are closing in on it. Then there is the guy who cheats and cheats sloppy and then has nothing but "REASONS WHY" he cheats (though he's NEVER been faithful - MY BF)when he is caught. Chloe, I and the women he was/is seeing talked as well and she loves him; as with you my bf did the same "made her feel just as special as I felt". though she said she was DONE with him, she never was and never intended to be, she really hoped that the discovery would force me out, and i probably hoped the same. The truth is he's not going to leave me for her b/c he can simply cheat and makeup cheat and makeup on both ends. We both are/have been accepting of it, she even called me once and said "it wasnt even YOU i caught him with" as if that should make it better, that also told me (something he has always known)she will be willing waiting for him to comfort her and love her whenever he is available to do so(that is when he's NOT loving me). Ladies I've DECIDED that I don't want to be loved like this anymore...it's NOT normal. I have brothers that love their wives dearly and 1 or 2 of them have cheated! but there wives have never felt less LOVED. i am preparing myelf for the night cries, I think I'm well prepared for the pain, believe me ladies with all the cheating YOU HAVE ALREADY ENDURED the pain. Also prepared MYSELF to know that missing him, the tears and pain will only last for a little while and visioning where i will be mentally after I'm over it is the only thing that is giving me comfort and the determination to end this. i will never bind myself again to a MAN I KNOW WILL CHEAT. forget thinking "he's a good guy and he will stop". Ladies many men cheat PHYSICALLY but not all cheat EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY. and HE IS never break it off you, please believe me, but dont keep setting yourself up for emotional desperately and pain. I'M GOING TO HANG OUT WITH MY GIRLS, MY FAMILY AND ANYONE ELSE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TO GET ME MOVIN :) Ladies it took a lot for me get to this point and will all being said here and ANYWHERE for that matter, you will only END it when your heart tells YOU its time :(, my WILL has become stronger than the beat my heart has for him. PEACE

This is the first time in the almost 5 years of my relationship that I am writing this for other eyes to see, but I think writing brings me comfort. Like each of you, I am in a similiar situation with someone who cheats, even though he said he cheated in the past. I found out, the first and devastating time, when I read his text 2 years ago. He too proposed and I accepted thinking things will change. Anyway, ever since finding out he cheated, I changed. I went from not texting him, ok with seeing him 1ce a week to texting him like crazy,and being called a nag because I was afraid he was still cheating, and was angry when he ignored me. Of course, he does not understand my reasons and blames me for being "annoying" even though it is to tell him I do not like what he is doing to me. Well now after that mad session of texting him, I text him sometimes, but those sometimes are due to my anger towards his not answering when I call (as usual). My main question is how do I stop texting him period? It's like it's grown in me to vent via the cell. I have calmed down a great deal, but I still feel blah because I believe he is still messing around. There so much more I can say, but if I type everything they will shut this site down lol. Ladies (and gents if you read this) what can i do to get my mind off of wanting to even communicate with him? I never cheated so that's not an option lol. I just don't want to be called a nag because I text my feelings, especially when I know I am not a nag. I've witnessed nags in my lifetime (like the way my sis-in-law treats my brother who is a good man).

LOL..."text madness"! Dont feel as though you are a nag b/c you're not. I've been down that road too! Actually you probably text him b/c you know he will certainly get it! When he doesn't answer you text, and we know if we press the right button he will certainly text you back or even CALL. I'm also willing to bet he communicates to you (feelings and all) via text quit a bit(?). You feel comfortable communicating that way b/c he is. He does it b/c it's the easier way to hold a conversation with whichever women he is not physically with at the time. I had to flat out tell my b/f that it was absolutely disrespectful to have a conversation via text that he obviously felt he could not have verbally! I asked him not to disrespect me and I will not him. As for him not answering, they will give you a million reasons why, but only 1 reason he doesn’t answer and unable to return your call within mins...you know why. To answer your question, I can't but; tell you what I did. Whenever he text me I would call him (I stopped replying to his text msg with a text msg). If he wouldn’t answer, I would delete his text (no matter what it read). He won't answer sometimes, so why is he texting you and cannot answer?(Hell ask him) Also, he will text you while with another woman (the text CHEATERS do that), but the conversation won't be long, and he's only doing that to soothe your "woman intuition" that will keep you off his tail until he gets free :) Anyone would feel NAGGED if they kept getting caught up in their mess!

Shannon

hi all, ive had the same problem,my partner raymond alwasy cheats on me with asain men and i get really sad i wish he would just wana coress my body instead of others ,how can i bring him back to those hifgh school days where he was a freak in the bedroom?
please help

TO ALL GIRLS ON THIS PLANET>>>>>>>>

Have you ever asked yourself why the BOYS are cheating on you.
Number one if that happenes once, then it is accident.
If it is all the time but with different girls, then it's TRY SOMETHING NEW.
If it is all the time ,but with the same person, then he has found something somewhere else, with somebody else that you're not giving.

Life and relationship became boring.
If you don't know how to keep your relationship going, nobody else can help you. My dad was cheating on my mom. I know that. My mom knew that, but she talked to him, and explained everything. Their relationship is even better, then it was before.

I never cheated on my girl, because I have everything I need with her. It's not all about SEX. There are some different things. Try to improve your relationship. Get out of the BOX and make it even more interesting.
____________________________________________________________________________


At the other point you can make him to be worried about your relationship. Just stop paying attention, stop being 24/7 there when he needs you. Go shopping and don't tell where are you going. if he asks just tell "I'll be back." That's it. He will think where you at, are u seeing another guy.
All the girls that need advice can contact me on
kuvar011@yahoo.com and I will give you advice how to solve the problem.
It's easy and works. He'll be yours again and you can control the situation. Also have advices for single mom's and moms with the same problem.

my boyfriend and i have been dating fo almost 2 years and he has cheated on me 5 times that i know of.i care abou him deeply and i love him more then anything in he world.but i worry way to much ... i mean , i call him non stop until i get ahold of him ill look up # in the phone book for the places i think hes at, and i dont trust any of his friends. but i cant leave him even if i could i would go bak bd he makes me feel loved and makes me feel beautiful.and it breaks my heart knowing that he can live life knowing that he hurt the person he loves... ya im not the most innosent person in the world .. iv kissed a couple guys through out our time but i dont think thats half as bad as sleeping with them ya itz still wrong but common ... well the 1st girl he slept with was one of my best friends that was just dating his brother just to get to him ... ya slut but then she got him ... the 2nd girl he one he slept with 3 times.. i beat the F*** outa her ... but not only bc she slep with my bf .. but bc she also slept with my brother my sisters bf and most of my friends. and the 3 girl he slept with im trying to get ahold of but idk i don realy care anymore... im just so usto it .. i dont know what to do... yaya people will say to me break up with him .. but as you all know it is easyer said then done. so im going to try to make things better by getting us a dog that way we would spend more time with the dog and not with sumone els. right ?

ladies tell me how to get closer with my bf so he wouldent cheet on me anymore.

HI Girls - i have read the posts on this topic and feel better and I feel worse. I understand what each woman is going through. I have found myself in a rather sticky situation myself. I was married for a year (a young stupid mistake, i was 21) and am now 23 in my second year of law school. I am crazy in love in with a great man. He is smart, funny and very handsome. We have been together for five months. He has admitted to me - without being asked -that he has cheated on other girls in the past and wanted to be as forthright with me as possible. I KNOW that he loves me and wants to be with me, and I feel the same about him. I feel so lucky to have him. Here's the problem - he does have a few close female friends - and one slutty ex gf - who randomly text him. I have peeked in his phone before and I admit it and regret it bc i know that he thinks it means I dont trust him. I really dont know if I do trust him. We spend almost every night together (5 out of 7) and we are legitimately best friends - we are open and talk about everything and enjoy everything we do together. I have no tangible evidence - no emails or texts - but just a hunch bc he texts alot and loves AIM but I do know that he really does spend a lot of time texting with his dad and sis and some regular friends. He is not defensive when i ask him about it. He says that it really hurts him that I think that. I know most people say trust your instinct, but I dont want to trust myself right out of this guys life. When we talk about it, he says its the accusatory behavior and snooping that would put an end to us - which he does not want. Does anyone have any thoughts? Am I just being over paranoid or do you think your instinct is end all be all? Thanks for any help!

do not buy a dog. . .it will not work. .. and the dog is the only one who will suffer - do not use him as a medium between you two. Its the same thing as having a baby to keep a guy. just dont do it

Oh girl,
Sorry you're having this trial and this is what it is, especially if you continue to stay. You can stay and hope eventually one day he will stop, I won't say he will stop and can't say he will not ever stop. Buying a dog will not help, you want to have a bond with him and choosing a dog will be more for you than him (it's in our nature as Women to love and nurture); and you desire to give this but want someone or “the dog” to return that and show he is grateful. I’m going to make this one short Love, if he knows he will ALWAYS have you then he will give up NOTHING. In other words, he’s cheated and been caught, he knows you love him (and he could very well love you) why should he stop? His actions have not caused you to stray away from him; so what you kissed a guy (not taken lightly, I’m sure he would FLIP A TRIP if he thought you took anyone of those kisses serious), but you did it for attention and probably revenge (believe me he knows that). I’ll say this; start getting him to respect you 1st (at the least, then HE will work on his cheating, only if he feels there is something in jeopardy). You have to be WILLING (even if you end up NOT leaving) to LEAVE, you have to desire something else and get tired of crying, him saying he’s sorry and hurting all over again. PLEASE EARN HIS RESPECT. No matter what anyone says, no matter what you hear, see or what he does, you will only leave when your heart tells you it’s time.

Shannon

Law School & 23...
When I read your post the first thing came to mind was "Love Addiction". I think many men and women should research that phrase. As for your situation; not really sticky and your hunch is natural (in my opinion). This great guy has confessed to you that he has cheated; any women would have the same feelings as you. I would take his words as honest until he or you find reason do believe otherwise. Trust him; you have not been given a reason not to. Since you guys are open with communicating with each other you should tell him how you feel about all the texting and IM conversations. I’ve stated before, if the conversation is not suitable for your ears to hear verbally then it’s probably a conversation that he shouldn’t have in your presence as well. Let him know and tell him why, if he loves you (as you do him) he will give you that respect. This guy probably never wants to cheat again, but I wouldn’t wait for him to mess up either (don’t hold in your thoughts about it, tell him what you think when you where thinking it and why). He probably wants this input from you and spends much of his time with b/c of wanting to be the “great” guy as you see him. Cheating doesn’t always mean “unloving” or “incapable” of love.
Shannon

Law School & 23...
When I read your post the first thing came to mind was "Love Addiction". I think many men and women should research that phrase. As for your situation; not really sticky and your hunch is natural (in my opinion). This great guy has confessed to you that he has cheated; any women would have the same feelings as you. I would take his words as honest until he or you find reason to believe otherwise. Trust him; you have not been given a reason not to. Since you guys are open with communicating with each other you should tell him how you feel about all the texting and IM conversations. I’ve stated before, if the conversation is not suitable for your ears to hear (a verbal conversation) then it’s probably a conversation that he shouldn’t have in your presence at all. Let him know and tell him why, if he loves you (as you do him) he will give you that respect. This guy probably never wants to cheat again, but I wouldn’t wait for him to mess up either (don’t hold in your thoughts about it, tell him what you think when you where thinking it and why). He probably wants this input from you and spends much of his time with you as well. He probably wants to be the “great” guy you see. Cheating doesn’t always mean “unloving” or “incapable” of love.
Shannon

Hi Shannon -

Thank you for the advice. I tend to agree with you about him not cheating. I really don't have any reason to think he is and when we talk about it he gets upset and makes a valid point - that had he NOT told me he had cheated, and lied to me, I would trust him more. Which, in a twisted way is kind of true. I went home for the holiday weekend and that put things into perspective for me, and I feel better about things. He doesn't believe me that most of the time its not him I don't trust, its this one girl in particular. She will do ANYTHING and I do mean ANYTHING to get his attention. We used to be friends and we had a falling out when she heard we were dating, and has since been non-stop texting and IMing him. The texts are stupid one word responses but she is relentless. I'm almost tempted to wave the proverbial white flag and tell her she wins. I can't keep up with her nonsense anymore and I am just too tired with school and work and everything else.

Thank you for your reply!

Law School & 23..

You’re welcome! I’m glad my experiences can be helpful to my GIRLS
Don't throw up the "white flag" yet, that's exactly what this chick wants. Let me tell what "your ex-friend" won't be able to stand: If you have been making contact with her, STOP; the fact that she knows, that YOU know she is around is SO satisfying for her. Completely stop acknowledging her and the result will be that she is going to stoop so ridiculously low to let you know she is after him that HE WILL push her away for you -believe me it works. If something does happen between him and her, she is going to go out of her way to let you know if she THINKS you don’t already know. Once he sees just how she is trying to get you to leave him, he is probably going to trip on her and completely stops dealing with her. Men will cheat with women who can keep their mouth shut, but if she starts to tell ALL and contacting you, he will avoid this chick like a plague! DONT LET HER SEE YA SWEAT 
-Shannon

Hi Shannon-

Thank you again. My friends have been pushing me to say something to her like to get her to back off, but I'm hesitant for those exact reasons. However, I don't think that he is able to see *not yet anyways, what she is really doing. I hope he does soon. I do not want this to come down to a "her or me" situation, though I know he would pick me, but I would always wonder who he is texting and IMing and if it was her or not. He is a good guy and I no longer have that gut feeling, but I wish this girl would shrivle up and die. mean - I know, but seriously. Thanks!

OMG I do not think I can read one more reply or post about this bf cheating crap. Are you kidding me? Do you all have such low self esteem that you honest believe you love a man so much that is CHEATING on you with ANOTHER WOMAN and you can't "bring" yourself to leave him!?? Are you EFFIN' kidding me? What is wrong with you guys?? Listen to you all whine like a bunch of freaking babies-grow some balls and walk away and know that there are a million other men on this earth that will do all the sweet little things your current jackass of a bf does and then some. Someone that will honestly LOVE you and NOT CHEAT on you. How can love you and someone else? Are you seriously all that freaking NAIVE?

Not to be a harsh bitch-but you all deserve to be cheated on because you allow him to violate you that way. You all allow him to walk all over you and disresepctful...the moment you gain some self respect and walk away-he might actually miss you-and by then you'll be off and married with someone who won't do the same..

I think a movie that can put it all in too persepective is called "SLIDING DOORS" with Gwenthy Paltrow-it shows both sides of her decision, if she had walked after catching him cheating and what her life turned out to be, and if she didn't walk while he was still cheating...very interesting outcome-it may help you realize-if i leave i still have plenty of time to gain my self respect and move on!

Ladies start loving yourself, and quit depending on some jackass to fullfill your life. When I was finally content being single (and trust me ive had my fair share of cheaters)-was when I met the man I was destined to marry-and after 10 years of ups and downs, my man still has never cheated on me...and never will

I can say from experience that when your boyfriend cheats on you that it aint a pretty site. You think you love this guy and he SAYS he loves you too but the whole time he's out bein happy with someone else. My boyfriend and I were together for 3 years and we were planning on getting married the year I graduated from highschool. He lived in a different county than I did, so I wanted to surprise him and go down there for their homecoming. when I got there I met up with a couple of my girlfriends and we were walking around looking for him, when I found him he was all over another girl. A girl I couldn't stand, so I broke up with him but got back 2gether with him. But I've moved on now and found another man, I think every girl who's been cheated on should move on and find someone better.

TO ALL YOU BROKEN HEARTED LADIES....PLEASE DUMP THIS MAN ...IF HE IS CHEATING ON YOU NOW HE ALWAYS WILL.DO NOT DONATE YOU LIFE FOR THEM YOU WILL SPEND IT IN MISERY...I KNOW ,I HAVE WASTED 30YEARS WITH MINE HOPING AND PRAYING HE WOULD CHANGE ..THEY DONT ...WONT..CANT..THEY JUST PUT THEMSELFS FIRST,THEY DONT TRUELY LOVE AND RESPECT YOU. I THREW MY HUSBAND OUT FOR GOOD THIS TIME I AM 50YEARS OLD AND INTEND TO START MY LIFE OVER I DISERVE TO BE HAPPY SO DO YOU.IT IS PAINFULL IT TAKES TIME TO GET OVER SOMEONE YOU LOVE ...BUT MEN THAT HAVE SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN ARE NOT WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE. GOODLUCK ,SUSAN IN LONDON,