Is it selfpity if it takes control?

Hello, I was wondering if you could help me with something that saps my self-confidence. I am a healthy, attractive, professional women who has a great career but when I come accross a familiar situation that is linked to a painful one such as the man I'm dating meeting a highly attractive women(just as an example)... and having been cheated on... my mind starts a cycle of self-doubt and makes me clam up. When asked what's wrong I can't verbalize anything. I can't assess what is wrong because my mind is being shot so many negative "what if"s that I can't pin-point what the real issue is and it becomes very stressing. So I just tend to say what I need to to avoid discussing it and hope the issue resolves itself yet it never does. When put in front of a croud at work to make a presentation, I think I'm very attractive and have alot going for me but my mind starts the self-doubt cycle yet again and I clam up. I have been through emotional abuse as a child and young adult from my parents and was raped at the age of 19 so I'm not sure if it could be linked to that but I really would like to know if this is normal or if there is anything I can do to break this cycle. It is starting to take a toll on my relationship and we are willing to work with it, just not sure where to start.

In my opinion you need psychotherapy to solve this problem.