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KOM2002 (question)  marital problems

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reply Re: marital problems , Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92 , 19 Jan 2008 04:16
question marital problems , ****** , 18 Jan 2008 16:13
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marital problems
From: ******
Date: Fri, 18 Jan 2008 16:13:59 +0100
Language: English

 


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i am 54 years old and have been married for 38 years and i have two grown up children and a 14 years old daughter. one of my grown up daughter is married and has a baby. my son is not married and lives in his flat with my husband nephew. i have a big marital problem with many issues. the main issue is that i feel i have been used and taken for granted by my husband. after our marriage, i worked all the years of my marriage for other people and for him. in 1984, he asked me to give up my job to help and support him in starting a business and at the time he made me believe that i was his business partner. we worked together for many hours and they were really long and i looked after my two young children, run the house as a wife and did everything without any help from him. he went away several times to visit his family abroad and i took care of the business, banking, the children and the running of the house. i never had help from other people. all the business account was done by an accountant with his instructions, i was never paid by him and all my income went back into the business and for my mortgage on our house and for my living expenses - he told me so when i queried about my income. we also have a second house which is let and all my share of the rent from this property was looked after by him and once again my share of this rent went into the business and for other expenses and i never had control of my own money. he did all the controlling and whenever i questioned him, he would say don't worry about where your income is going, this business is also a freehold property and this is will be your reward when it is sold. in april 2004, he made the retail business limited and he made me secretary of the company and i agreed without looking into things properly and he was still showing my earnings per year for the tax purpose. in 2006, he decided to sell this business and i asked him to keep it another four years, but to my surprise he told me that i have nothing to do with his business and he is going ahead with the sale and as for the money, he will receive the cheque on his name and this money will go into his own account and not the joint account. we do have a joint account which was open many years ago so that when i was working for other people my salaries used to go directly in this account and he was controlling that also. i asked him to open another joint account and put this business money in there and as he is taking early retirement, this money will be for our future and for our 14 years old daughter, he said no because he needs all this money to do what he wants. in december 2006, we went to his country to see his family and when we were there, he wanted to open an account on his name to transfer some of the business money and i said it has to be joint and because i am not from the same country and do not have id card for this country, it was not possible (i think he already knew about this law) and i refused that he should open an account on his own name because as his wife i should be able to have access to this money if need be. so we came back to uk and he was not a happy man. so in november 2007 he went back to his country by making me believe that he was going there to see his mother to spend some time with her. now it IS clear to me that he went there to open an account on his name only and he has transfered a large sum of the business money to this account without discussing it with me first and without my knowledge also, he did not even tell our son and our daughter about what he was planning to do. when he came back this month, i found out from some paper work i saw in the house, and up to now he has not said anything to me or to our two grown up children about this new account in another country. when he was away, he asked his niece to phone me from there and i was angry and said that he should talk to me himself, therefore, i wrote him a letter to tell him that i feel he is openning an account there and if this is the case then he has gone there with secret ideas and thoughts and we should not be husband and wife any more. he wrote back accusing me of having two affairs and two abortions in the 70's. i know i never had any affairs and the two abortions was done and they were his babies and further more i have medical records as proof. i asked my son not to bring his father to our family home when he went to collect him from the airport, but my husband wanted to come here and he is still here, but we are not talking and i have written another letter to him to tell him everything about our marriage and i feel so let down by him and he has used me for so many years to achieve his goals in life and how he has been maintaining his family abroad for 20 years by sending money to them every month and using part of my income and now he has taken all the business money there and never gave me compensation. he is living here as normal and he wants me to be normal with him and he wants me to have intimate relationship with him also. i have asked him to read my letter again and try to understand why this marriage is over. he treats me as a wife when it suits him and then treats me as a strange when it does not suit him. now that this business is gone, we are living off the rent money we receive every month, food, mortgage on our house, expenses for our 14 years old daughter and he is keeping the business money for himself. i am working for other people now but i am keeping my money for myself and for my daughter. please tell me if i am wrong in wanting to end this marriage and what is fair and what is unfair. i am so confused with my life. thank you for reading about my problems.
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Re: marital problems (Reply to: 117134 from ****** )
From: Gunborg Palme - Leg psykolog - Leg psykoterapeut - Telefon 08-664 60 92
Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2008 04:16:42 +0100
Language: English

 


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I understand that you want to end this marriage. What your husband is trying to do would be criminal in my country. Discuss your problem with a lawyer.




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