Heloo
Im 26 years old, when i was a child i was wery quiet and shy, i remember that my father abused my mother but they newer got devorced because of the "children" as mu mom said,this had very big emotional influence on me. When i was in highscool the abuse stoped, i thoght it was all over and i started to go out more ofthen, i could decribe myself as outgoing happy person who loves people. But then my brother started abusing me, i felt he hated me and my lifestyle and friends, i could not forgive him for that.
Because we all live in the same house i was afraid to bring home my friends, i didnt want to come home at all because of all the negatuve energy i felt, but i dont have the financial means to start my own life. I can say that i live in a big emotional chaos and everyday stress. I feel that everyone hates everyone else and there is no way that this can be repaird. There is no chance of getting family therapy because when i mentioned that to my family they become agressive, make me crazy and they reather kick me out of the house if i mention "that sort of stuff" again.
The last incident got me out of track: my mother acuses me that i dont respect her, that she whants to die besause of the stress i cause her everyday, that she is fritened of all of "us" and dont know how to react to make us happy,and that she is a victim all her life for me. That was not the first time this has hapened. The truth is that for the last 2 years i said to her how she must make her life better and stop depending on other people reactions but she told me her life is not my buisness.
I started taking pills to calm my self and im pritty sure im becming addicted to them. I cant cope with this enymore, i packed my things and left that house and when i did that my mother told me i dodnt know what was i doing to her, putting guilt on my conchence that something ugly will happen to her and all sort of suicidal statements. I feel I'm going crazy and cry all the time, please tell me how to help myself i fell i dont whant to see that people again because of all the pain they caused me. PLEASE answere me