Relation gone bad

I don't know if u are going to ever answer this e-mail but I'm still hopefull. Also i hope my english is not too bad and you will be patient in reading my email.

Here's the story of me and my lil'girl that just broke up with me, for another guy i think...still not sure why she did it like this, maybe she wanted to punish me i don't know:

It all started 2 and a half years ago. We met online and discussed about each others romance problems, she being in love with a guy and I with a gal from my highschool. I was 18 in the last grade of highschool and she was 16. My name is Ben and hers Gwen.

We were separated by about 600km (about 400 miles). We talked, we talked, i had relations during this time but still was in love with that girl from my high school so they never worked out. Me and Gwen kept in touch and talked about our love deceptions.

One year passed like this and on christmas eve she called me. It was the first time i heard her voice and she just told me: i wov u. I was a bit shocked and really didn't know what to say, i thought it was very cute and a lil bit creepy but it made me feel warm and fuzyy inside :) . She then said she actually wasn't that serious but...it was clear that between us there was a bond so...we talked on the phone...did naughty things via phone :)) and it was nice.

Then on 19th of february we decided to meet. I travelled by train for about 8 hours. I was 19 she was 17. I was at the university first year. When i was finally there, it was very cold and all ppl were dressed pretty heavy. There i found a little girl with big green eyes(or so they seemed at that time) she was not my type at all...she was a lil bit cute, a lil bit ugly, a lil bit pretty i don't know...the superficial me started to worry and didn't know what to do, probably my ego was expecting a model i don't really know, anyway i decided to give it a chance.

She told me she was living in this other city with her parents and we could not go to her place, i mean, her parents omg! :) it seemed a lil bit suspicious her parents would let her spend the night out. Anyway we rented a hotel room and stayed there for the night. I was really quiet...i usually am a man of few words with strangers at least. We didn't speak too much when we met, just hugged really hard and afterwards it was pretty quiet.

She tried to start conversations but we were both so very nervous we finally met, she could not belive i was there, heck i couldn't belive it myself. In the hotel room we realized we were missing somethin to drink so we got out to buy some water. On the way to the market she grabed me by the arm, she got on her toes and she kissed me on the mouth. We started laughing and kissed some more. We returned to the room with the water.

We made out...got naked...we were both virgins, at least that what she said...and we almost did it, but she told me she didn't think she was ready so we did other stuff to please ourselves :) i didn't want to insist too much because she was pretty scared at one moment and i didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. We had fun while i was there got out, walked a lot and i was soon back home.

Kept in touch via phone, there was a cool program that allowed us to talk on the phone from 10 pm to 7 am for free. Sometimes we did talk all those hours, i broke one cell phone talking like that. About one month later i was back. We got all the way this time and had sex, and it was fun. A lil bit hard in the beginning , and seemed pretty painfull for her, but then it was very nice. This thing continued for about one year, we saw each other once a month, some times once in 2 months, it was pretty hard and we were very lucky we could talk every night all night. During this time, i found out a truth she was trying to keep away from me.

I couldn't really belive she was almost 18 because she looke very childish so i asked her for her id card...one time she finally gave it to me, i thought she tried to hide her age but it was ok, it was another thing she tried to hide. She wasn't from that town. She was from kinda like a big village near that town, she was a country girl and she probably thought that this will turn me off cuz i'm a boy from the big city, pfff, i thought it was pretty silly.

Well it didn't and i started laughing and she started crying...she cried a lot and i didn't really know what to do...i tried to confort her...she calmed down. She was really scared i'd leave her. She stayed with a host during high school, cuz she studied at a high school in town.

Every time i came in town , it was a pretty small town, she had to lie to her parents and the host and i was kinda scared she would be a liar with me too. Deep down i trusted her a lot but on the surface i didn't. After this first year spent like this she finished high school and came to my city to study. She went to another university and studied there. We were finally permanently close to each other.

After she came here it was pretty nice, got out every day and it was clear there was not only a relationship between a guy and a girl. We became very very very close friends. She was my best friend and i was hers. But problems starting apearing, i started to tell her we should get a break or somethin, i did that when we were at distance from one another and after we talked i changed my mind a lot of times and the discussion didn't seem to afect the love she had for me. But here it was different, we talked 2 times about a break, and even if i changed my mind again and again, this time she was pretty sad after the discusions and i felt like crap seeing her like that.

She felt that way probably because she didn't expect me to talk about a brake once she was close to me. Also ironicaly sex became worse. In the begining except for the first time it was great, i mean, wow, but then after a couple of months since she came here she stated complaining i was too big and it was painfull for her...i asked her to go see a doctor but never seemed to have the time, we thought she cut herself somehow i dunno, maybe she was lieing to get rid of bad sex but i don't really like that idea. Anyway she never seemed to have the time to go to a doctor, almost all the free time we had we spent together.

It was all nice untill this summer. Usually during exams we were stressed out and had lots of fights. So the so called interest in each other went up and down. As i was sayin i had a lot of exams this summer and now in autumn so not so much time for my lovely girl. She always told me she loved me , but i never could belive her... always was paranoid thinking she cheated on me and stuff, though deep down i allways belived her, unfortunatley never told her that. I tried not to sufocate her and gave her freedom. She got out with friends, male friends. I was never really worried. But this summer i had a gut feeling something was wrong.

We once went swiming at a pool, she doesn't know how to swim, i did this sport back when i was younger. So i thought i'd teach her.

She got a summer job and i had to study a lot, our schedules never seemed to converge but we allways tried to meet up and spend time together. When she finished with the job she allways came by my place and spent the night together, we were to tired for sex though but it still existed even if it was only once per week maybe even twice a month sometimes. She started sayin things like "bestest" friends for ever , but we allways said that to each other but this time she said it more often. So as i was sayin we went swimming. After the stress of the exams that day felt heavenly. It felt great. She was so happy! That night she went out with a friend. I knew him we talked before he was a nice guy. He invited me to come but i couldn't. I belive that was the night she met that other guy but i'm not sure.

Anyway this was in july and when we met afterwards she didn't seem to care at all just told me she saw a movie and that the service at the cinema was really carppy. We didn't talk a lot about it she didn't seem to care, she still felt great after the day before when we went swimming. from here on things got worse because i didn't have time to talk to her so much, i didn't have time to give her those little gifts we gave each other i was really stressed out cuz of school and she knew that all to well. One basic rule of our relationship was: school first, we both agreed on that one but in the end she forgot that.

Here is what hapened. She kept meeting that guy i knew he's name was Dumm and a friend of his Dummer. And i started gettin suspicious and asked her what was goin on. I kinda understood she wanted to hang out and when i offered she refused sayin i'm too close to the exams to stop learning. She did come over pretty often and tried to support me in any way she could. One day she told me that Dummer gave her a present and she was so very impressed cuz that guy actually listened to her and very carefully chose the gifts.

I thought that was a cry for attention but soon instead of acting acordingly my judgment was clouded by jealousy and i started acted like an ass. She went to her hometown for a while and we talked on the phone, she wanted out but she couldn't say it. She liked that guy. And Dumm whom i knew and i talked to and knew pretty damn well what was between me and Gwen acted like freakin cupid, cuz it seemed his friend Dummer liked Gwen but he isn't able to get a gal himself, so Dumm decided to help even if the gal he is with stays with him only for his money, nooooooo, he has to get involved in other ppl's life.

Anyway this fell on my head like a lightning, cuz Gwen decided to tell me all this stuff right at the moment i was the most stressed with my exams, and she knew that, so i cracked, i said a lot of words, i started acting like a baby, i cried and did all kind of non manly stuff. I asked her not to go with that guy, refrain from touching him untill i finish with my exams. she told me she didn't get involved with him while we were together. She accepted to be by my side while the exams, she acted selfish so i acted silfish to telling her to stay by my side during exams. When i took the last exam i went where she worked, she tried to hold hands with me, to talk to me, i was blinded with fury, i said: it's over. Her eyes were in tears but she didn't cry, we just said goodbye and that was it.

Of course thet night she met with him, she drank a lot he tried to hold hands she said she didn't want to, the next night they kissed, again she was drunk. I started worrying and i realised i made a grave error but it was too late. I said again all kinds o bad words, then i went to her place at 3 am and played love of my life from queen ( we are both big fans ) she was kinda drunk again :) i slept with her, just slept with her, huged and stuff.

In the morning i finished the song and she started crying and i did so, i begged her to reconsider, but she told me she doesn't want to hurt that guy and i asked okay u've been with that guy for a couple of days , what about hurting me, u were with me for 2 and a half years. The she started saying words which i don't know if they are real , i tend to say they are not. She said she loves me, she doesn't love that guy, she said she's scared cuz she's 20 and she has a 2 an a half year relation, she wants no ties, she told me that guy is no better thane me, she said she knows she's making a big mistake that she'll regret later but she has to do it...and all kind of words like these that don't make sense to me.

When i asked her what happened between us why she didn't love me anymore, why she cares so much for me but only as a friend she refused to answer.

I think, i didn't deserve this. She actually said i should be gratefull cuz it could have been worse and i was stunned by this. I simply didn't know that person, how could she say that to me? And i told her she could've done it better, and less painfull to both of us, she just said no she couldn't this was the best solution, whici is not true at all, she didn;t even try to talk to me, considering we talked about everything and we were so very close and honest and respectfull to each other, she now seemed to act towards me exactly with the oposite of the above.

I humiliated myself after the break up for a time, acting like a deserted puppy and asking her to reconsider. Anyway, she kept telling me she wanted to remain friends with me. I feel so dissapointed by my best friend, maybe i could have gotten over it easier if she was just my lover, but she was my best friend too and that kills me on the inside.

I put all of her stuff in a box. unfortunatley i cannot forget her number or email.

She did an awfull thing and so did those two guys :( especialy that cupid idiot who actually knew me and knew what was between me and Gwen. Oh god i hate her so much! And it hurts so freakin much! :( It is not fair! i want her back! :((
Why doesn't she want me back? She said she doesn't love that guy! She said she still loves me! Why doesn't she stop this stupid thing and come back to me? She said she sometimes calls that guy by my name! She says she cares for me! Today she was very indifferent :( she probably felt strong cuz i was so much humiliating. I once met them 2 on the bus! I don't know how i stoped myself from braking that dudes face! She was petrified when i said hi to her! she told me she can't do it and they got off the bus! :(

Why is she acting so stupid? Why couldn't she find another way to dump me? Why didn't she dump me when she first felt the need? Why did she have to wait untill i was stressed to the max with the exams and untill she knew for sure she'd get that guy?

I need to know what hapened? Where did i go wrong? Why did she do this so crappy? What is she thinking? Why did i have to realise now that i love her so much? How can i get her back? How do i know if she'll ever call me to get back if she really means it?

What is your opinion on this story?

How do i get over her? How do i stop hurting so bad? i tried everything! i met with my friends, went places, put her stuff in a box, but after 1 month i am still thinking about her a lot. I talked to her today, she said she didn't get laid yet, just played games with that guy. Seems i entered in a competition with her, at least in my mind, and the name of the competition is who gets laid first, she's pretty close, and has a great head start, god how stupid this sounds.

I don't know, i talked to her to meet to tell me what happened, but i need to know an experts opinion on this in case she doesn;t wanna talk. What is your opinion about everything i told you today? What was real in my relation with her? Where did i go wrong? What to do from now on? I would really like to know what is she thinking and how can i tell if she's tellin me lies or not when i talk to her about this?! please help!

i am really depressed, i have problems with my sleep and eating, i feel down a lot and it's been a month, i feel i'm gettin better, but still the suffering persists. I went to clubs and stuf to get a new gf but i don't like any of them even if they are beautifull, indeed my ego suffered a very big boost when i talked to them and they liked me but it stoped there, no kissing no nuthin i dunno, i really want a gf but somethin stops me... I'm optimistic and i made it a target to get myself a gf by the end of this week :)

I guess my main questions are: what is she thinking, feeling ?
what should i do next?

but i would really like for your opinion about what kind of girl si is and what kind of man i am to help me figure out what went wrong and how should i behave in these circumstances in the future.

I wish that all the content of this mail will remain confident...and if you think the story can do good as an article please change all the location's names, all the dates and names in the story.