My married man love story

I am in love with a married man. I know, I know, I am immoral and dipicable. But before you judge, just hear my story. This married man and I dated in school. (Way back in 7th and 8th grade). He was my first love, in fact. I have always loved him, even though I was the one to break up with him! Why? His mother was very controlling and wouldn't let me see him! Anyway, I have never stopped thinking about him or regretting my mistake.
I am now 24 years old, and still in love with my first love. I recently began dating someone very close to him: his cousin! Though, I didn't know it at the time. Now my first love is married with a baby. I have to see him at every family gathering, and so on. I know that he shares my feelings, because the eyes don't lie. When a man stares at you the way he does at me, well, a girl just knows! There is an unspoken conversation between our hearts. Even my boyfriend and his wife see it. He and I try not to speak, because both of them have forbidden us to do so.
The problem is, I have to confront my mistake and relive the pain constantly! There is no going back. There is no confessing my feelings to clear my conscious. There is no forgetting that I'm in love with a man, but I can't tell him and hope he loves me back. It's not fair to love someone so much, so deeply, for so long and never have that love returned. I just keep denying my heart, denying my true feelings. He does too, though. So I guess it's the right thing to do.
I'm not trying to wreck his life or his family.(New or old) It's just so hard living life as only half of who I really am. Part of me wants to confront these feelings to see if we still have that spark. To see if I am truely in love with him, or just the image of the boy I knew. The other part of me says that exploring these feelings, even confessing to him and nothing more, would be selfish, and put him in a difficult situation. Should I just go on living my life not knowing, always thinking of him, always being in pain? Never feeling complete? Should I take the plunge and just deal with the consequences? The guy I am dating now (his cousin) has been so wonderful to me. I don't want to hurt him, but I am unsure of where my heart truely lies. HELP ME PLEASE!