** Re: My awful marriage

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have two sons 12 and 9. We both have great families that are very supportive. Since the beginning my husband has always had a hard time communicating over anything that is negative. He has been abusive and has been arrested for it. He has alot of anger management problems and can not channel it appropriately. He explodes. I am a very sensitive, emotional and communicative person who is in such need of intimacy and love. We have not had sex for over 6 mos. (my choice) for reasons that he is constantly downgrading and its hard to love someone and give that someone all of you when he is just not nice as well as he has diabetes and the meds he is on makes it hard for him to have an erection which plays apart of how intimate we can get without getting tired fast. He does not know how to talk to the kids about something they may be doing wrong, instead he screams and then I get mad and tell him that he needs to use other words for the kids to comply with what he wants them to do. Then he will tell me to stop interfering in his discipline ways. His father's discipline when he was a young boy was yelling and being extremely physical and I don't want that happening with our children. I as a child was never hit and was always treated the right way and that is how I handle my children. I like to explain my reasons of disappointment or anger with them so that maybe they can chose not to do that again because of what mom says.

My husband never makes me feel special by buying simple flowers or a card to tell me how much he appreciates me. He will never go out and buy my a gift for a bday or xmas without asking me what I want. Never a surprise!

Last night he called me these terrible words because he felt he didn't get enough space in the bed. I was already on the edge and told him that and he went off. He put in for a transfer to another department in his company due to another employee he does not get along with and never told me about until I noticed he was getting up an hour earlier to drive to work. I

There are so many other things I could go on and say but it would take too much time. I am frustrated and want a divorse but I am scared for myself because I have not worked in 12 years and also worrying what it could do to my kids emotionally.

I do not love my husband in anyway accept that I am grateful for our sons and that he has given me the opportunity to be home with my kids which has benefited because they are so well rounded. When things are great we have fun but when there not I cry in bed every night.

Please help.

As you are afraid of divorcing him, I suggest that you accept him the way he is and ask friendly for whatever you need from him. Ask him in a nice way to give little surprises. Appreciate when he satisfies your needs. Try to be the wife he needs and try to make him happy. Tell him how happy you are that he has given you the opportunity to be at home with your kids instead of running away every morning to work for eight hours. If you are not satisfied with something, just ask him nicely to change. Show him how happy you are, when he does it your way.