Independent medical expert answers
on psychiatry and psychology

My Wife does not Want to Make Love after our Son was Born

Written by: Gunborg Palme, certified psychologist and certified psychotherapist, teacher and tutor in psychotherapy.
First version: 22 Jul 2008. Latest version: 26 Aug 2008.

Abstract:

Why a woman can lose interest in having sex, and what the man can do about it.

Question:

We have a 7 month old son. After he was born, my wife does not want to make love to me any more. I am tired of being miserable but does not want to lose my son or subject him to having divorced parents.

Answer:

This is a very common problem for young couples. In middle-aged families, it is usually the man who does not want to have sex and the woman is complaining.

There is nothing that can turn off a woman as a man who is irritated for not getting sex. If the woman is tired because of the housework or the children, she does not manage to have energy to make it. The children often give the woman the intimacy she needs, so she does not need her man for that. In addition to this, if the woman has a man who only wants to have sex for his own sake and does not satisfy her, she does not see any reason for having sex at all.

In the beginning of a relationship, the man is loving and tender. She appreciates it so much that she enjoys having sex with him. When the man stops buying flowers, perfume, and no longer whispers compliments anymore, she loses interest.

Many women see housework as a boring and endless activity. A husband who finds it natural to share housework with his wife probably has more chances than a husband who does not help her. It is very easy for a mother to a little child to feel tired and worn out. The more you do to make her burdens less heavy, the easier it will be for her to meet your wishes, provided that she still has some feelings for you.

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