Assertiveness is the ability to express your needs and rights, positive or negative feelings without violating the rights and limits of others.
Assertiveness is the:
Communication skills, ability to express your thoughts and future ideas
ability to identify
and express your feelings
Define and respect limits
listen in an open, direct and honest way
No one will be able to achieve
these goals at once. Before you try to develop skills for assertive behaviour you have to believe that you have the legitimate rights to have this needs:
The right to your own values, opinions and emotions
The right to change,
enhance and develop your life in your own way
The right to decide how and
where to lead your life and establishing own priorities and goals.
not to justify feelings or behaviour to others
The right to respect your
needs and limits
The right to tell other how you wish to be treated
The right to say "NO"
The right to take the necessary time and support
to formulate your ideas and wishes before expressing them.
The right to
ask for help and information without having negative feelings of shame or guilt
The right to make mistakes
The right to change your mind or sometimes
The right to like yourself even through you are not perfect
How can you get people to do what you want? You must first realize that life is give and take. If you do what other people want, you can easier get them to do what you want.
You may feel that life is unfair to you, that you have to give a lot, and get little back. There are different strategies that you might use to set this right.
- Complain, nag, quarrel, scold, hate, fight.
- Praise, warmth, love.
In general, the second method is more successful than the first. Tell people clearly what you want. But do this in a neutral or positive way, not in a quarreling way. Give praise whenever people do what you want, satisfy your needs. But instead of quarreling, just say nothing when they do not do what you want. This is in most cases the most effective strategy.