Feeling like making love, also called sexual desire, is an emotional
and physical reaction to an certain erotic stimulation. The physical
reaction for example the erection of the man or the vagina getting wet for
the woman, may be suppressed or valued positively. Lust for sex may follow
after kissing ardently, caressing the body affectionately or touching the
genitals in a certain way. Sexual arousal can also come from evaluating the
other as being physically attractive for example.
The longer relationships
last, the more other things will coincide with sexual attraction, for
example if the person gives you enough attention or helps you run the
Look at the problem from a physical, psychological and social
perspective. In order to feel like making love, there must be physical
stimulation; this needs certain hormones and the right touch. Hormonal
disorders, certain medication and depression can block this stimulation. So
it is important to look at these possible causes of the problem and treat
Psychological factors also play a role. Stimulants that induce the
desire to make love are: considering your partner attractive, an erotic
stimulation, fantasizing about making love, and trying to make a pass at
Factors that block these psychological stimulants are: finding
your partner unattractive, having negative thoughts about making love,
recalling unpleasant fantasies about making love, negative emotions, stress
and fear. Pressing norms may play a role.
Ideas like: "desire comes
spontaneously", "love play consists of intercourse" and "if you don't want
to have sex you are not normal" play a role.
Social causes may be problems between the partners. Communication
problems (one wants to sleep, the other feels rejected by this) may play
a role. There may also be a struggle for power between the partners.